the sheltiechick blog

The Last Photos of Auggie

It has been really hard to get into these photos.
Several of these are photos I took after he came home. Still more are photos my sister came and took of us.
I’ll do my best, y’all, but some of these may just have no commentary.
The photos of Auggie’s final night at the vet will be hidden behind a link… I know those can be really hard to look at, especially for those of us who have lost beloved dogs. So I give you the option of preparing your heart, and then clicking to enter into those photos.
Here we go… the last round of photos of the best dog I will ever own.


July 4th – home on his bed after that first weekend. All I wanted was to be able to bring my dog home and have him curl up on my bed with me again. So so blessed to have been able to do that.


That Obi-Wan Kenobi pillow became Auggie’s pillow over the years. He slept with his head on it so many times. When I packed up all his things, I packed that pillow up along with it.


Our 33 week family photo… he clearly didn’t feel well this day. This was when he still wasn’t up to eating again.


With his niecelette, Georgie.


One more time – the hilarious disaster that is my three.


Payton with his bro. He loved his Auggie so very much. Just like we all did. Best brothers and best friends.


This is a photo of the best dog I will ever own.


A kiss from Georgie.


This beautiful photo my sister took. He obviously was feeling much better by Sunday. Look at that big, beautiful, happy smile.


Trying to get another family photo… just one last one with all of us.


Nobody would look at the camera, so I looked the same direction they were looking – ha!


The last one of all three of my great dogs with me.


One last jump, buddy.


Joy, right up until the end. Doing what we loved to do together.


We were at Louisville last year – the year Auggie retired from agility – and my friend Gary’s wife told me one day, “I love to watch you with your dog. Because no matter what your run went like, you pick him up at the end and you give him a kiss. And then he puts his little head on your shoulder, and you give him a kiss again.”
I’m so fortunate to have this photo. It is one of the things I will always remember most about Auggie.

(more…)


The Flash

How do I make this post? How do I begin? It begins with the end.

The battle has ended. My perfect Auggie is gone from this world.

At the beginning of July, I packed up the car and dropped Auggie off with my dad to take the baby dogs to Evansville for an agility weekend. I kissed Auggie before I left and told him “Don’t die while I’m gone.”
We drove to Evansville and checked into our hotel for the night. The first night, my dad called and told us he and Auggie had a nice night. It was pretty cool outside so Auggie was outside while my dad worked on my sister’s car, then they sat on the deck together and listened to people shooting off fireworks. (Well, my dad listened. Auggie is pretty deaf these days. Or was. Was?)
The second night, my mom and I had just finished eating dinner when the phone rang. My dad said “Auggie seems uncomfortable.” I tried to figure out exactly what that meant. He couldn’t lay down, said my dad. He was breathing heavy. I asked him if he could count Auggie’s respiratory rate. I never thought I would need to teach anybody else how to count Auggie’s respiratory rate. Why didn’t I do that?
I called the university and asked if they could try and get me in touch with the cardiologist to see if we could come up with a plan. I looked at my mom and said “We might need to go home. I don’t even know if I can get back into the venue and pick up our stuff.”
It was 6:30. I ran downstairs and drove to the venue. It was still open. The trial chair was still there. I told her briefly what was happening and she sent me outside to bring my car around to the side of the building and she tore down my crate space and helped me pack up my car.
I drove back to the hotel and we packed as fast as we could. At one point, I went to pick up the six pack of beer I’d brought along and the cardboard package collapsed. Bottles fell to the floor, breaking open, spilling glass and beer all over the hotel. I came with the packaging, falling to the floor sobbing. This can’t be happening. Why did I leave Auggie behind? I can’t lose my dog while I’m not there. My mom called my dad and told him to take Auggie to the U of I and we would meet him there.
The woman at the front desk came upstairs and helped clean up the mess while I finished loading the car, a complete mess. She was ready to check me out of the hotel early when I came downstairs when we were done.
I drove back from Evansville as fast as I possibly could. I cried half the way there, thinking about how much Auggie had changed my life and how much I loved my best little dog. I thought about our agility journey. I thought about everything we’d done together for ten years.

When we got back in town and straight to the university, I cracked the windows to leave the other dogs in the car and we headed towards the building. Through the glass windows I could see my dad – and Auggie’s breeder sitting next to him.
I’m not sure what all flew through my mind at that moment. I didn’t immediately think it was bad. I was relieved to see her and glad she had come to help support us. I ran into the building and hugged her and started crying.

Then the bad news started. Auggie was in the back in an oxygen tank. They hadn’t been able to get his breathing under control even after getting him an injection of Lasix. They had given him ace to basically sedate him. He was asleep in the oxygen tank.
They had come out and told my dad they wanted to euthanize him.
This is when he said you cannot do that without my daughter here, and then called Auggie’s breeder.
I later found out they had given Auggie butorphonol. They never told me or Auggie’s breeder this; I didn’t know until I got the itemized bill several days later. I gave Auggie butorphonol once and it increased his heart rate and his respiratory rate and I said never again. I knew I had told the cardiologist about this bad reaction. Why did they give that to my dog and why didn’t they tell me? I still don’t know.
They took me back to see Auggie. The vet and the tech were crying and told me they didn’t think he would survive and they thought I should let him go. I didn’t know what to do. In retrospect it was good I had his breeder with me, because I may have made the wrong choice. She told me if he were her dog, she would try to get him stable. What was there to lose? If they could stabilize him, they could stabilize him. If they couldn’t, his heart would stop, and it would be over.
At 12:30, they asked about trying to give him his oral meds, including his torsemide. I went back with them and he wouldn’t take them from me, even in peanut butter. We pilled him with the torsemide.
About 30 minutes later, the vet came up front again and said he was doing better after the torsemide, and he took the rest of his pills.

I stayed the night sitting in the lobby. Auggie’s breeder stayed until 2AM. My parents went to drop off the other dogs at their house, then came back and stayed with me overnight.

In the morning they said he was much better but not ready to go home. I talked to the vet who would be with him during the day. She told me Auggie was definitely improving and she had talked to the cardiologist again, so she had instructions on what to do, and she would do them. But she said if we got Auggie healthy again, we needed to be aware he would probably have another chronic episode, and we were probably looking at a matter of days or maybe weeks.

We went home and left Auggie to keep getting better. I came back that night to visit him and he looked much better and he was ready to come home with me, but they weren’t ready for him to come home yet. He stayed another night while I went home and unpacked my luggage, staring around my house, watching Payton and Kaner bounce around each other. Trying to steel myself that this was what our life was going to be like without Auggie.

Auggie came home the next morning. This all happened during a week when I was working from home for several days before leaving, then had days off for the July 4th holiday, then spent two more days working from home. We spent a lot of time together.

Wednesday we headed to the cardiologist – we had an appointment scheduled anyway, our normal follow up. It had been almost two months since our last appointment. Every time we went in, Auggie was doing well, so we went longer and longer between appointments. Two months was the longest we had gone without needing to go in.
The cardiologist was baffled. Auggie was doing great. The same day Auggie came home from the emergency care unit, he was already bringing tennis balls and wanting to play. He was happy and it was the fastest I’d ever seen him rebound after a stay at the emergency vet. His x-rays looked as good as they had back in May, back when he said they were the best they’d ever looked and we were going two months before another visit. His best guess was Auggie’s heart disease had just progressed a little more, and we had adjusted the meds some, and now we carry on again. We made our next appointment for two weeks, just to be sure.
I asked him the question. I know we never know, but we were talking days and maybe weeks a few days ago. Is that where we are?
Based on the picture at that moment he thought we could still have months left.

Wednesday night I went to my chiropractor, then picked up some takeout for dinner. I sat down to eat and looked over at Auggie. His respiratory rate didn’t look good. He started coughing, a wet cough, not his usual “my trachea is a little squishy” dry cough. He couldn’t find a spot to lay down.
I called the university. The cardiologist was still there.
I took my dog back in.

Now we had our answer. Now we had our best guess as to what happened the Saturday before. Auggie had developed an arrhythmia and was having a series of them, which was causing a rapid congestive event. There was medication for the arrhythmia. We started the meds, and since it takes about 12 hours to take affect, Auggie stayed the night again.

The next morning the cardiologist called me and told me Auggie was doing better. The arrhythmia wasn’t gone, but it was improved. However, this time he could see a large blood clot attached to the wall of Auggie’s left ventricle. He said to come in and let’s sit down and talk about everything.
I called my parents and told them I was ready to go get Auggie, so they drove over to meet me at the vet. I called Auggie’s breeder and told her what I knew and asked her what she thought. There was no real way to looking into the crystal ball and knowing how Auggie was going to do. I told her I’d talk to the cardiologist and let her know later if he had any more information.
Once inside, the other bit of news was that Auggie’s bottom chamber wasn’t really pumping anymore. When they took Auggie out to pee that morning, he just seemed a little tired. There was no way of knowing if Auggie would improve or not. This might be what we have, or he might get better, or he might decline.
The cardiologist reminded me he made me a promise that he would tell me when it was time to let Auggie go. He told me he wasn’t telling me that right now. He told me he knew if any dog was going to get better, it would be Auggie.
Because he knew Auggie was a fighter.

I told him one way or another I was taking my dog home, and maybe we would come back that night and let him go, or maybe the next day, or maybe we play the game where I make an appointment but if he’s feeling good we push it back. But for that particular moment, I was going to take my dog home one last time.

I took a video as I opened the door and Auggie walked into the house. Our home. The house I bought with a huge yard for agility because it was what my dog loved, and I loved it too, and I loved to play the game with him. The house with no stairs because I knew one day my dog would get old and I didn’t want him to have to try to climb stairs when he was old. The house where he waited for me to come home from work every day. Where I listened to hear him barking when I came home. Where I hung his photos all over my walls. Where I built a shadow box of his master’s titles and put it in a spot of prominence in my living room.

I called his breeder. We had meds for the arrhythmia and still no crystal ball. Auggie didn’t want food. He didn’t even want peanut butter. At one point he even stopped drinking water, but before too any hours passed he went back to drinking again. I carried Auggie in a long walk all the way around our agility field. We went to the dog walk and I placed him on the up plank, then picked him up and carried him all the way over to the down plank, where I set him down again. He sat down in the contact zone. I told him he was a good boy and that was a good “touch.” We went to the teeter. I placed him on the end of the teeter and lifted the end just a few inches, then carefully lowered it down so he could ride the tip of the teeter. I did it a few times. Auggie loved the teeter.
My sister came over that night and we sat in the living room with Auggie, crying over Auggie and of course crying over dogs we had lost before. We talked about Happy and we talked about Kota.
She agreed with me when I said if Auggie didn’t start eating the next day, I would let him go.

I didn’t want to get into bed that night. I put it off as long as I could. I knew it might be the last time I got into bed with my little dog. When I got in bed I sat up for a long time, not sleeping. Just watching my dog.
I woke up at 2AM and opened my Facebook page on my phone. The first thing I saw was the “On This Day” post. A picture of me and Auggie. Auggie with two master’s title ribbons hanging from his neck.
Four years ago on that day we had completed that chapter in our agility journey. Four years ago. I started sobbing again. How could I do this on this day? How could I possibly make a day when something so wonderful had happened the same day something so awful happened?

The cardiologist called me in the morning. I told him Auggie still wasn’t eating but he was comfortable and seemed okay, just tired. He told me he wasn’t immediately concerned about the not eating and gave me a few tips to try and get him to eat.
My parents came over and we made stepping stones with Auggie’s paw prints in them. I got prints of all four paws. His two front paws with his funny little brachydactylic toes and his back paws with all his proper toe joints.
I told them I really, really didn’t want to do it that day.

Auggie ate food.

At first he just took the peanut butter off my hand when I offered him his pills. Then he ate kibble, one at a time, from my hand. Finally, at dinner time, he ate out of his bowl… then immediately threw it back up.

He ate more food later. He said “today is not the day.”
We got into bed together again.

The weekend was good. Every day he started to feel better. Sunday my sister came over and took photos for me. It’s hard when you are always behind the camera – so rarely do I have the opportunity to have photos of me and Auggie together. He played in the yard a bit, looking around for dead worms to eat (something he recently has decided he loves to do.) I got out a jump. I set the bar at four inches and he took the jump with so much joy. It was beautiful.

Monday we went to bed and he coughed and seemed uncomfortable. I worried. Auggie being able to sleep comfortably was one of the measurements I used for his quality of life. Was he sleeping comfortably? Was he eating? Did he seem happy? Those were my three questions. When I unplugged the vaporizer I run each night, full of water and eucalyptus oil to help him breathe, I realized it was still pretty full. Sometimes it doesn’t always put out a lot of steam. Maybe that was it. I made a note to add more salt, to make sure it steamed, so he could try to breathe better that night.
I woke up super early and sat in the kitchen with my work laptop, launching a new website for our company. I spent a couple hours in the morning with my dog. I went to work, then came home early since I had been up early working from home. I had previously arranged for someone to cover my BodyPump class that night, knowing I would be tired from such an early morning, so we all sat at home and watched television together. We had been binge watching my Big Bang Theory DVDs. We were almost through season 8.
Auggie ate some cheese from my cheese stick, and I took the meat off a rotisserie chicken to put into my freezer and handed him some chicken.

When it was time for bed, Auggie couldn’t get comfortable. He was coughing more and more. I called my parents. I told them if I had to take him in, this was it.
The university called the cardiologist and he suggested giving another dose of torsemide. I gave him a full pill first (twice a day he gets a pill and a half, once a day just a pill.) After about ten minutes, Auggie lay down in the bed and he put his head on my legs. After about five minutes, he rolled over and stretched out flat on the bed.
I breathed.
Then fifteen minutes later he was up again, coughing.
An hour after his first dose of the torsemide, I gave him the half pill.
I begged him to please give us one more night. He lay down in my arms and put his head on my shoulder.
He got up and kept coughing.
He stood on the bed and looked at me. Everybody kept telling me Auggie would let me know when it was time, and in that moment I knew. He was telling me it was okay. He didn’t want to do this anymore. And he definitely didn’t want to go stay at the hospital again. It was okay. It was time.

I called the university and asked them if they could get the cardiologist to come in, because I didn’t want a stranger to do this. The guy on the phone told me normally he doesn’t come in for emergencies, but to hold on just a minute. He put me on hold.
That awful hold music.
He came back on the phone and said the cardiologist would come in for me.

I called my parents.

I got Kane out of his crate and set all three dogs on my sofa. I could hear the fluid in Auggie as he breathed as I set him on the couch. I changed lenses on my camera and took photos. Our last family photo. A photo of Payton with Auggie. A photo of Kaner and Auggie. I told Payton this was it and his brother was probably not coming home. Payton knew.

I placed Auggie in the front seat of the car. “Your last car ride!” I told him as cheerfully as possible. I turned the air conditioning all the way up and blasted it through the vents in front of him. He stood in front of the vents and breathed in the cold air and he stopped coughing.
My parents were already at the vet. I carried my little dog in. The cardiologist met us at the door. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I tried to get him to wait until morning.”
“He has his own timetable,” the cardiologist said.

We went back into a room. Chairs and couches. This was a different room than the exam rooms. This was The Room.
The cardiologist sat on the couch next to me and I told him what was going on. And I said “it’s just time.”
“I agree. It’s time.”
There was nothing else we could do. The torsemide wasn’t working, and not only was it not helping, it wasn’t even maintaining. Auggie was getting worse.
It was time. I had done everything I could.

He left us alone in the room to take photos. Auggie licked peanut butter off my hands. His gums were still pink at first and he was happy to eat his peanut butter. He licked peanut butter off my mom’s hands. I told him I loved him. I told him he was my best dog. I told him he was a good dog. So many things I wanted to make sure he heard me say just one last time.
He got up and walked around the room a bit. He walked over to stand at my dad’s feet.
I lifted his lips and his gums were starting to get pale.

The cardiologist came in and asked if we were ready. I told him Auggie’s gums were getting pale so we had to do it now.

Auggie lay in my lap. The cardiologist sat next to me. I held my dog’s head.
He gave him the sedation injection.
I asked my mom to take a photo of me holding Auggie’s head.
I put my hand down on Auggie’s side and it wasn’t moving.
I looked at the cardiologist as he was putting the euthanasia injection into the catheter.
“I think he’s already gone,” I whispered.
He nodded his head. He finished giving the second injection, then took his stethoscope from around his neck and said “I”m sure you’re right. I’m just going to listen.” He listened, then sat back “He’s gone.”

I’m not a big death person. I don’t like funerals. I hate viewing bodies. I don’t want to remember people’s dead bodies. I want to remember them full of life. People had warned me I wouldn’t want to be there in the room when it was time to let Auggie go. But I had refused to leave. This was the dog who would wait outside my bedroom door in the mornings after my mom had let him out to feed him breakfast. This was the dog who would ask to go outside if I left him at home because he wanted to look around and see if I was outside. He looked for me when I was gone. And he gave me everything I had ever asked him to give. I wasn’t going to leave my dog.

I shut Auggie’s eyelids over his eyes. The cardiologist left us to take our time finishing saying goodbye. I held his paws. I looked at his little brachydactylic toes some more. I kissed him. I repositioned him off my lap and laying flat on the floor. His most comfortable sleeping position. We pet him.
I said “oh my Auggie” to him one last time.

I texted his breeder when it was over. I texted my sister, not wanting her to see it on Facebook.
I posted it on Facebook.

I got into bed and held Payton.
It was over.

How do I finish telling Auggie’s story? How do you sum up ten years of amazing memories? Auggie never quit on me. In agility, people told me we should quit. He didn’t quit. He finished out master’s titles with me. Multiple times I thought it was the end and he rebounded. Even when people were saying they were scared he wouldn’t make it and they thought I should put him down, he got better and gave them the finger and said “You were ready to call it! Look at me now! Here, throw this ball.”
And then he told me when it was time. He was still happy to the end. That really was time. Happy, but ready to go. Nothing else we can do. His little heart and little body couldn’t hold his spirit anymore. It was time to soar, unbound by little brachydactylic feet, unbound by the arthritis in his wrists that had developed over the years, unbound by a heart that couldn’t keep up with all the heart that he possessed.

I miss him so much, but I feel as okay as I possibly can about the decision to let him go. I smile when I look at photos of him. It makes me happy to remember my dog, not angry or sad. I don’t regret a moment of the last eight months. I know I didn’t make any wrong decisions. I didn’t throw in the towel too soon but I also didn’t let him suffer. The only way it would have been more clear that it was time was if his heart had just simply stopped on it’s own in his sleep.
I would have liked to have known it was coming, to spend a Last Day together, but we had our Last Day – I just didn’t know that’s what it was.

I am grateful for the love and support of my friends. Times like this are always when you find out who cares for you most. Thank you to my friends Joe and Jenny for showing up at my house that night, bringing me flowers and a card and, most importantly, hugs and company. Thank you to Michel for coming to find me on Saturday and giving me a hug when I needed it to get through my day. Thank you to my sister and my brother-in-law both for taking photos of me and my Auggie, different kinds of photos at different times, but both photos I will treasure; thank you to my sister for coming to see Auggie as we were reaching the end and reminding me he was off to see his hero Kota and to pester Happy. Thank you to my parents for going on this wild ride with me and for loving Auggie so much. Thank you to everybody who has loved Auggie, even if you never met him in person. Thank you to all of my friends who have also lost a heart dog and have expressed in one way or another how their hearts ache too. Thank you to Misha for the beautiful drawing of my wonderful boy and your lovely letter.
Thank you everybody who managed to make it to Auggie’s 10th Birthday Party. I had no idea it would be his last. It was so special because you were there to celebrate it with us.
Thank you to the breeder of my best boy, for bringing this wonderful dog into the world and letting us spend ten years together. I will never have another dog like him as long as I live. He literally changed my life. I wouldn’t be where I am sitting today if not for my dog, in so many ways. I learned so much about dogs in general, shelties, agility, behaviour, and yes, veterinary care from you. Thank you for sharing Auggie’s life with me. Thank you for being able to stop by and see him on his final weekend, though we had no idea it was in fact his final weekend – his tail wagged so much and he was so happy to see you.
Thank you to all of the vets who cared for my dog throughout his life and especially over the last eight months. Thank you to each one who took time to help him, especially when he was chronic, to get him comfortable and stable and enable him to come home with me again. Thank you for treating me with respect, recognizing my medical knowledge and helping me further it by never talking down to me but always being honest and explaining fully, and for seeing my ability to do an awful lot for my dog, and allowing me to do everything I could.
Thank you to Dr. Fries at the University of Illinois for the excellent care and support. If I didn’t have access to a skilled, knowledgeable specialist, my dog would certainly have been gone long ago. Thank you for giving up your time on nights and weekends, even over the fourth of July holiday, to answer phone calls and e-mails to continue supporting my dog and helping his heart work as best as it possibly could. Thank you for seeing and acknowledging the fighter in my dog. Thank you for treating my dog like you loved him as much as I did. And thank you for coming at the final moments, even at 1 in the morning, to be the one to help me release my dog from his failing body.

Thank you, Auggie, for being the best dog I have ever owned. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for loving Pepper, even when she didn’t want to play with you. Thank you for loving your brother Payton, even though he was obnoxious. Thank you for loving (or at least tolerating) Kaner, even though you had heart disease when I brought him home; thank you for playing with him in your last months.
Thank you for teaching Payton how to be a good dog. It is possibly the most wonderful gift you have given me, to last after you have gone, that Payton is such a good boy.
Thank you for sharing my bed. Thank you for sleeping on my pillow. Thank you for every kiss and for every happy smile. Thank you for every possible thing I cannot possibly put into words to express how much I loved you, and how much I know you loved me, and the relationship we had that is incapable of being explained by the English language. Only felt in my heart.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Run free, my most wonderful and perfect Auggie. Run free.

Sentinel’s The Flash RN NAJ MXP MJP CGC
11-15-05 – 07-13-16


32 Week Family Photo

32 week family photos! Two this time, neither of which is really worthy of going on anybody’s wall…


Auggie. Forever the best at photos.
Kane and Payton. Forever ruining everything.


Payton thinks he’s pretty bloody clever though.


31 Week Family Photo

Well, at 31 weeks, this is much more like a regular family photo, right? Nobody is smiling and nobody wants to get that close and Payton won’t even LOOK at Kaner today.


30 Week Family Photo

30 weeks! The best part is they all look like they like each other here. Sitting so nice and close and everybody smiling.
Not at all like real families, right?


29 Week Family Photo


At 29 weeks, Kaner looks even bigger than he did in last week’s photo. Auggie’s IV shave spots have filled in almost completely and his feathering is slowly slowly sloooowly starting to grow back.

I looked at baby dog photos of Auggie and P, and Kane is definitely naked looking compared to Payton; of course, Payton was basically SuperFluff and will likely forever make all of my other dogs look naked. Kane looks closer to how Auggie looked at this age. We’re gonna need those hormones to kick in and make some gorgeous coat if this little guy is supposed to go in the show ring!


28 Week Family Photo


28 weeks. Kaner is officially “huge.” Look how little Auggie looks next to him! My tiny black dog is now just Black Dog.


My Little Family

I’m really really blessed that Auggie is still around. I wanted to take the family photos of all three of my dogs together every week so I would never run out of opportunities to have seen how the baby was growing alongside my best dog, who likely won’t be around to teach him how to be awesome like he did Payton. But I also wanted to get a photo of all three of my dogs with me. The problem is it’s next to impossible to get anybody over here to take a photo.

The good news is I own a remote shutter release.

The other good news is, I’m a bloody genius about how to make this work.


All three of my very good boys.


27 Week Family Photo

27 weeks! Just over 6 months now.

We are having a happy day for all three dogs!


IT’S A GOOD DAY

I also took a few photos to send to Kaner’s breeder to let her see how he’s growing…

and how those ears are doing!

He’s super leggy right now but looks great. I’ve also noticed he’s starting to muscle out along the chest and his back. Baby puppy is growing up for sure.


Pool Day (26 Weeks)

Yeah pool day!!

To start with, we took our 26 week family photo. Kaner turned a full 6 months on May 19th, which is also a full 6 months since Auggie was diagnosed with CHF.

We made it a full six months, everybody is happy, everybody is healthy, everybody is still alive.


So we got out the pool to celebrate.


Heat and humidity can be hard on a dog with CHF. The rule is Auggie can only stay out when it’s hot if he keeps himself cool in the pool.
So far he’s totally okay with this rule.


EVERYBODY IN THE POOL


Payton loves his pool.


Even the baby wants to play in the pool.


Family photo in the pool.


Hi I’m a cute puppy in the pool!!


Payton also really loves towel time. Like a lot. Like maybe more than playing in the pool itself.


Being dried off is the bestest.


YEAH TOWELS


Oh my Auggie.


Auggie had a fantastic day. Pools are actually pretty great. Yeah.


Payton’s Fifth Birthday

FIVE is a pretty big birthday, I think. Especially with Auggie being 10 and P rolling to 5, it makes my OCD happy.

Happy FIFTH birthday to my most wonderful Payton. Our sports story has not gone as I had dreamed, but he is my very good dog. Despite the tears, the battles, the long list of struggles, and the many chomp wounds, I love him very much and am glad he is here with me. Happiest of birthdays yet and all the belly rubs to my middle child.


Shoutout to the woman at Meijer who wrote on my cake and didn’t ask me if Payton was my son.


I actually drove all over town trying to find a proper Payton-esque cake…


Perfect Auggie in perfect birthday hats.


HI I’M A PUPPY WEARING A HAT


fffffff


Not sure what Payton is doing here but this was literally the best we got. This might as well be the 25 week family photo, by the way.


NOT SURE WHAT IS CAKE BUT WANT


Make with the birthday, lady.


WHAT BIRTHDAY


Hi in case you haven’t met me I’m Auggie and I’m the best.


Do I HAVE to wait??


TIME FOR BIRTHDAY


Listen, I know I’m supposed to wait, but let’s be honest, my heart disease. If I wait I might not live to eat this cake.


So I’m not waiting. (Yeah okay that’s fine.)


Meanwhile Payton.


What a good puppy!! Then I wanted to fix his hat and he moved back some to make it easier NOT to steal cake.


Are you for real? Is this actually a thing that is happening in my life??


Okay yay this is a thing and I want it!


Auggie demolished his cake in about half the time Payton was taking with his. Which makes sense as he’s had about twice as much cake eating practice.


Meanwhile the baby is trying to figure out how to actually eat this.


Whoops! He dropped it.


Payton be like IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND YOU DROPPED YOUR CAKE SO THIS OTHER HALF IS MINE (Auggie in the corner ahahahaha)


Yup that was some birthday.


This is what I look like after I eat cake, too.


Birthday is the best.


THEN A PRESENT WHEEEEE


24 Week Family Photos

At a certain point I will probably have to stop calling Kaner “tiny black dog.” He’s looking rather un-tiny lately, especially when he’s next to Auggie.


23 Week Family Photos

At 23 weeks old, Kaner is officially taller than Auggie. Auggie, meanwhile, has apparently simply decided not to die. Either he’s improved and regained some circulation (and thus motor control) over his back end, or the dog who’s missing toe joints on his front end has learned to adapt to not having excellent control over his back end. He is walking 99% normal these days, and that 1% may simply be my being paranoid and searching for any hitch or odd step in his walk. Maybe a bit of both adaptation and improvement? It doesn’t exactly matter which. Ultimately I am blessed to have more happy, healthy days with my old man.


Tongues from baby and the old man.


The hair on Auggie’s legs is looking pretty good now – you can probably only tell he has a slightly more naked spot if you’re really looking for it.


22 Week Family Photos

Everybody was feeling a bit naughty today so the family photos didn’t turn out the best… Kane has decided “stay” is optional and therefore he does not want to do it.

In this case he will only sit and stay if he is in FRONT of his brothers.


Payton is now so stressed out because I kept having to re-sit the puppy he won’t look at the camera because somehow he thinks it’s his fault.


I give up.


So instead I took some photos of just Kaner.


I have a lot of him running around being a goof but not a lot of cute photos like these.


And he is pretty cute… lucky for him.


Outdoor Toys

Kaner’s ears are back down today. Auggie’s blood work from the vet was unremarkable. The regular vet is guessing he’s just having some trouble with circulation as his heart isn’t pumping efficiently. His respiratory rate is up a bit again, too. Other than that, everybody is just guessing maybe it’s joint related with age. We already know he has arthritis in his front legs so maybe the back legs are setting in, too. She did examine him fully to make sure we’re not all missing something else, just assuming it’s cardiology related and maybe he hurt his back, but that does not appear to be the case.
We all went outside at lunch to play and take more photos.


Happy puppies don’t have any real idea what’s going on so they are happy puppies.


Liiiiike a stick.


My boy.


He ate cheesestick last night. At his worst Auggie wouldn’t even eat cheese when I handed him some – too much trouble breathing to chew a cheesestick piece. So now as long as he’s eating a cheesestick I know his lungs are doing okay.


Tuggy ball. We haven’t done a ton of tugging since joints are still baby joints and teeth are still baby teeth, but Kaner does like to tug. He grabbed my sweatshirt one day and when I tried to lift my arm away to have him let go, he simply came up off the ground with his teeth still sunk into my sweatshirt. Well then.


Chuckit Squirrel is actually dead because Payton killed it during a tug game last year (his fabric body has peeled away from the plastic frame) but Kaner is fine with playing with the dead squirrel.


Also discs. We’re working on this one too.


P cruises around trying to decide how many toys he can steal before he gets in trouble for stealing from the baby.


And the perfect Auggie is being perfect.


21 Weeks and Auggie

Starting Wednesday night Auggie has started to lose motor control in his back legs. It started with what looked like a fluke; he was laying in his bed and I asked him if he wanted to go outside and potty, and he jumped out of the bed but his back legs didn’t quite follow. Almost like he tripped over the bed. He then came slipping and sliding across the room to me. I caught him and picked him up, immediately trying to decide which emergency vet to take him to – the one we’ve been seeing or the university, where they could call the cardiologist for me. A minute later, I set him down, and he was fine. Like it never happened. We went outside and he went down the deck stairs, peed while hiking a back leg, then climbed back up the stairs, no problem.
But then it rapidly got worse. Standing eating his breakfast with his back legs shaking. Falling over when he got out of his crate and tried to shake off and his legs gave way underneath him.

The internet says when dogs with CHF lose control of their legs it’s not long to the end.

The cardiologist has us heading to our regular vet for some blood work to try and see what’s going on.

Kaner is 21 weeks today. One ear came up last night so I took them both out to see how they’re doing.


Slowly trying to be bigger than Auggie.


Not quite there yet… just not quite.


Auggie is still happy and still eating well, which is an important metric for Auggie. So I guess that’s good news.


Still happy.


He is my most wonderful dog.


He looks older, and in my opinion he aged quite rapidly – CHF will do that to you – but he’s still so handsome.


The smile hasn’t changed at all, though.


I love him the most.


Ears up. Looking a bit goofy without a lot of coat.


From the side. I think they are a teensy bit too high so I’ll try setting them a bit lower this time.


Eating sticks – his favourite outdoor game.

If you’re wondering where Payton is in the rest of these photos, he wouldn’t leave my side after I buried my face in his fur and sobbed “What are we going to do without our Auggie?” He’s a good boy.


20 Week Family Photos


20 weeks! I missed a week for some reason and really can’t recall why. Easter Egg Hunt hangover?


And a close-up on baby’s face because people complain YOU CAN’T SEE HIS EYES DOES HE EVEN HAVE ANY


Easter 2016

It’s been many years since I thought it would be fun to let Auggie hunt Easter Eggs. He was such a sniffy dog, always using his nose – wouldn’t it be funny to put a treat in an egg, hide it, and have him sniff them out? In some ways we were doing “Nose Work” in our house and backyard before it was a thing people paid money for to title in. Auggie really loves this game, to the point of getting excited when he sees me get the eggs and baskets out, because he knows we’re going to play. Also, it doesn’t hurt that he gets a bunch of cookies when he finds the eggs, either.


So away we went and Auggie started cruising along.


Georgie came over to play with us all. Last year she ran around stealing eggs from everybody else, especially Auggie, who was having trouble with his old man teeth popping the eggs open. But this year I was going to hoard all of Auggie’s eggs for him. If he found one and tried to open it, but couldn’t, I would step in and help him open it, then drop it in his basket after he got the cookie.


So Miss Georgie had to find her own eggs. But being Auggie’s little niecelette, she’s pretty good at it, too.


Payton found one, whoo!


Meanwhile Auggie just rocked and rolled and grabbed everything he could sniff out or see.


My sister came over with her Henri to hunt eggs, because my yard is way bigger and has more spots to hide eggs in.


It was a bit hard for Henri to stay focused on the eggs when the entire yard smells like Payton pee.


But he did a good job of finding all his eggs, anyway.


Kaner wasn’t very good at the egg hunting. He tripped over an egg and my mom declared he “found” it, then opened it for him, thinking if he figured out there were cookies inside, he might understand the game. She grossly overestimated a puppy brain.


Payton, too, is just a little attention deficit; his constant go-go-go makes it hard for him to spend time actually opening the eggs. Finally we came to a compromise where he finds them, and just like I do with Auggie, I open them for him. This worked pretty well as Payton started looking for an egg, flopped down with it, and then stared at me expectantly to come open it. I think in Nose Work we would call this an “alert” so whatever.


I am happy to say that Auggie restored his title of Egg Hunting Champion this year after I protected all his eggs from the thief.


Not surprisingly, Georgie came in second place.


Payton actually found a decent handful this year.


And Kane “found” a whopping two, by which I mean my mom gave him the first and he picked up a second one for about a half second, and we declared he “found” that one, too.


Henri, of course, found all of his eggs.


All the little shelties with their Easter baskets.


Then, because I’m an ambitious dog trainer, I went for all five. This is not Photoshopped, we actually got all five lined up and sitting on the deck with their baskets. It wasn’t easy, but it happened. Meanwhile, the little black dog in the center is only 18 weeks old, and that big one on the end and my big Payton sometimes like to try to eat each other’s faces – but for Easter, we nail beautiful harmony.


Then I pulled out the bunny ears I bought at the Dollar Spot at Target. I may have only bought one St. Patrick’s headband, but I made no such mistake with bunny ears. I bought three pair.


Big handsome Auggie thinks his bunny ears are hilarious and Easter is awesome.


Payton, for the first time ever when he’s got something on his head, doesn’t look like he’s being beaten to death!


And the bunny ears were really too big for Kaner’s head so this was quite interesting to get them to balance and then hurry up and take a photo. But somehow, with the magic of Easter, we again made it work.

I didn’t take any photos, but after all our guests went home, I got the eggs out, stuffed them again, and let Auggie have his very own egg hunt. Just me following him with his basket, letting him find every single egg without any pressure from any other dogs running around, getting all the cookies. I think that was Auggie’s favourite part.

Happy Easter from all the little bunnies!


17 Week Family Photos

Unsurprisingly, being spring in Illinois, it’s still windy pretty much every day, including the days we go out for family photos.


Basically no longer a challenge to get Kaner to hold his sit-stay for these, which is awesome. I set everybody up, ask for a stay, take a handful of photos, then release. Then we set up again for another round, just to make sure I get something worthwhile!


He’s chasing catching up to Auggie, but as of yet he’s still at least an inch shorter at the shoulder. By this point in Payton’s life, he was already Auggie size, so it’s looking like Kaner will stay in size for sure.


St. Patrick’s Day 2016

I was going to be out of town on St. Patrick’s Day, so I decided to take some festive photos just a few days ahead of time. Before I even picked up Kaner, I found this green bow headband at the dollar store and bought it to use for photos. But I only had one, and I had three dogs – for the family photos, I thought, I needed two more props.

Return of the hats.

First of all, this is basically an accurate representation of our lives right now.


And then Auggie screamed when I put the bow on him. (Just kidding, he’s yawning because this is booooring.)


Then he gave me a look of disdain because I brought home a puppy.


A grudging decent face. It’s a handsome one.


I’ve got no clue if Payton is giving me a grumpy side-eye here or if he’s hoping I’ll use this as his singles ad to help him pick up bitches.


Oh, but he’s so happy!


Much much better.


Oh, hello Giraffe Neck puppy stage. I did not miss you. You make for really awkward looking photos.


Also these photos were basically all snapped as fast as possible between Kaner trying to eat the bowtie around his neck.


But it tastes like sparkles!!


Then we got the hats out and Auggie gave me a Michael Jackson impression.


Payton was like “herp derp gone fishin'”


Also, it was really windy, so this was an even bigger joke.


GOODBYE HATS. Also Kaner’s ears are trying to blow away. Good thing they’re glued onto his head.


Okay, okay, so maybe we won’t get a cute family photo with the props on. This will have to do.


16 weeks old and rockin’ his sit stays now.


THEN WE RUN AND PLAY AND BITE BROTHERS


15 Week Family Photo

Hey, check out these family photos! Not only am I able to get further back, but I also was able to crouch down and get the photo from an appropriate angle – all while the little baby dog was holding his sit-stay. Way to go baby dog!


And a close-up on Kaner’s face, for everybody who complains about how hard it is to see his eyes.


14 Week Family Photo

We missed our 13 week family photo – things simply got too crazy, juggling a baby puppy who likes to put everything in his mouth and also isn’t sure how to hold his bladder or his poop – but we did manage a 14 week one! This photo was easier than the last several, as Kane now definitely knows how to “sit” (and is pretty sure he knows what “down” means but maybe not) and is learning how to stay.


Snowtime with Kaner

It snowed!! This is not Kane’s first snow, but it is his first snow with me, so outside we went for some snow playing.


He wasn’t totally certain about this white stuff falling from the sky though. Also it’s cold.


Pretty snow dusted Auggie. Auggie was trying to figure out how he can eat this snow, because there’s not a lot of it, but eating snow is one of his favourites.


Kane was more interested in playing with leaves and sticks than the snow, however.


THERE’S A LEAF UNDER HERE


WATCH ME PUPPY WHEEEEE


Trying to take a cute photo of his face… not workin’ out so well.


But when it DOES work out, oh my goodness.


He wasn’t sure how to respond when I tossed him a snowball. The snow is light and fluffy and couldn’t pack, so really it was more like throwing a handful of soft fluttery snowflakes in his face. I think it hurt his feelings. Oops.


Baby Dog Outside Games

Another day, and the sun is out for the dogs to play in the yard.


Watching the baby run around. Huh.


I’M A PUPPY WHEEEEE


Look at me I can run and jump and play!


RUN RUN RUN


MORE RUNNING


Payton says ARE WE RUNNING?? THAT’S MY FAVOURITE! Look how happy he is to have a puppy brother to play with. So. Happy.


Proinking around after his big brother.


He even ran some laps around the play cube.


Rarr, big brother!! Not at all phased by the fact that Payton is three times his size.


Happy Payton.


Yeah chasing!

Auggie sat on the deck and simply watched all this nonsense take place with a bit of disdain, which is a step up from his old tactics of running around barking as Official Fun Police, so that’s good.