So this just happened…
My mom walked into the bathroom and said “Pepper!! Hey! Come look what your dog did!” I couldn’t figure out WHAT she had done… Pepper has started rifling through trash cans for kleenex, but I had specifically emptied the bathroom trash can so she couldn’t do that.
I walked down the hall and looked in the bathroom – and somebody had grabbed the roll of toilet paper, dragged it into the middle of the room, and had proceeded to start shredding it.
“Oh. Pepper?? No way. I bet you Payton did this.”
“Payton? But Pepper was IN HERE. And Payton doesn’t do that, does he?”
“Oh yes he does… in the basement, the toilet paper isn’t between the toilet and wall like it is in here, so he keeps trying to grab it. I bet it was Payton.” We look down at Payton. “He looks guilty to me,” I add.
“Check for evidence,” she says.
So I grab Pepper and open her mouth, look all over her gums… nothing.
Payton has not had the sense to flee yet so I open his mouth – and I don’t even have to look very hard, there’s little pieces of toilet paper ALL OVER his tongue and his teeth!
“IT WAS PAYTON!” I show my mom the toilet paper on his tongue.
“What! He was trying to frame her!”
About this time I look at Pepper and I actually see she has a piece of toilet paper stuck to her mane. “Ah!! Toilet paper!”
“So she DID do it!”
“No, I bet she just got into it after he shredded it… Payton probably taught her to do this. Payton! Did you teach Pepper how to do this?!”
We’re both looking at Payton, who looks up at me, and…
he starts WALKING BACKWARDS out of the room.
My mom starts laughing and I start laughing and I’m CRYING I’m laughing so hard because he just keeps walking backwards, looking super guilty. He gets all the way to the hall where he can’t back up anymore, stands there, and s-l-o-w-l-y lays down and puts his ears down in his “I AM SOOOO ABUSED” sad face.
Now, I DID teach Payton how to back up. But I never actually put a cue on it. And the cue was MOST CERTAINLY not “Did you teach Pepper how to do this?!”
Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.
I told him “I think you might ACTUALLY be the naughtiest dog in this house.”
Anybody else have this… um… “problem?”
I’m working on “look at that” with Payton. About a week ago we had our first major success. I was using a hand chopper to chop some nuts for trail mix and I figured he was going to hate the chopper, so I got my treats ready and treated him for being calm while I touched/moved/used the chopper. It took about ten minutes, and only that long because I stupidly decided to make SURE he really was going to hate the chopper first and he went over threshold. (Sometimes he surprises me with what he does and doesn’t decide to bark at, so… I should have just gone with my gut instead of making sure it was a Bad but. Lesson learned.)
I felt so proud of him. I wasn’t crazy chopping going to town, but I chopped three cups of nuts and he didn’t really care by the end. And not once did I whack him or yell at him or intimidate him or even flood him.
So I got out my big pile of Weird Stuff tonight to work on it some more in a controlled setting and without setting him over threshold. The first thing I got out was three tiny pinwheels.
I accidentally taught my dog to spin a pinwheel with his nose.
Then I got out a plunger.
I accidentally taught my dog to put his front feet on a plunger.
Then I got out this big fake plastic lollipop.
My dog decided to jump on top of a moving box.
He thinks there’s more to the game than just looking. He wants to interact with stuff when I put it in the framework of “here’s a clicker and some treats, and there’s a weird thing.” I think this is good but at the same time not. Good that he sees something weird and instead of “THAT IS WEIRD I NEED TO BARK AT IT,” he thinks “This is a game! What can I do to get cookies? LOOK WHAT I CAN DO”
But I won’t always have a clicker and treats with me to re-frame the “game” into a game of LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. And he won’t always be able to interact with the weird stuff beyond just LOOKING at it and then looking back at me, which is part of the point of just teaching a Look At That.
This is a strange problem to have. Definitely not the worst problem in the world to have, but I’m not 100% sure how to go about fixing this. =P
By the way, Auggie is wearing an e-collar to stop him chewing on his foot, and Payton grabbed the edge of the e-collar and was dragging Auggie around by the e-collar. Just thought you should all know that. oh Payton.
Kicked Out Of The Nest
Yesterday I was about to let the dogs back outside after their dinner and my dad told me to wait – there was a baby bird in the yard that couldn’t fly. Georgie found it and tried to make friends. He rounded her up and brought her back inside and was going to make sure the bird had left the yard before taking her back outside. I took the spade to our scoop and shovel set and carefully herded the baby bird through the fence into our neighbour’s yard where it would be safe from puppy mouths.
This morning I let the boys back out after their breakfast… and Payton discovered either another baby bird, or the same one. He tried to introduce the bird to his mouth, but decided it might not fit, so he proceeded to chase it around the yard trying to figure out HOW to get it to fit in his mouth. Auggie watched him for a minute, kind of confused about what was going on – until I came running out of the house, in my pajamas, barefoot, with my toothbrush dangling out of my mouth (see, I was halfway through brushing my teeth when I let them back outside) trying to yell “NO PAYTON DON’T EAT IT.”
“Don’t eat it??” Auggie thought. “Technically she said ‘PAYTON don’t eat it!’ That means I can NOM NOM NOM NOM!”
So I’m running around the yard after my dogs having more or less just rolled out of bed and looking like it, Auggie hopping around trying to dart in and introduce the bird to his belly, Payton POKING the baby bird repeatedly with his nose trying to determine the best way to eat it, and meanwhile there’s apparently a whole flock of birds up in the trees screaming, “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD” or something like that. I’m not really sure what birds actually scream in cases like this. And I’m trying to grab both dogs, and as soon as I catch one the other one darts in to try and eat the bird instead. So then I have to try and grab the other one, and the one I’m holding manages to wiggle free. This went on for what feels like five minutes, but was probably only about 30 seconds before I managed to lift Payton into my right arm and Auggie into my left arm, then marched back towards the house with one sheltie under each arm, while the birds continued to scream “OH MY GOD I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL GOING TO DIE.”
This happened a few years ago, actually; Auggie kept discovering tasty snackies in the yard. I thought at first the birds were going suicidal – or that one baby bird in particular kept hopping into our yard on a dare from his birdy friends – but a friend told me certain species of birds will push their babies out of the nest before they can fly. Supposedly they still care for the baby bird in the bushes on the ground until the baby learns to fly (by screaming OH MY GOD OH MY GOD when two dogs try to devour it.) and will take off on his own. So I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going on again, and the bird this morning was probably the same from yesterday.
Unfortunately we have feral cats around here so baby bird is not likely to survive very long on the ground, even if I can successfully prevent my shelties from introducing the baby bird to the inside of their bellies. In the meantime, I’m glad none of my neighbours were outside this morning to witness the ridiculousness that occurred.
Auggie’s Pee Saga Continues
This morning I let the boys out to pee. Auggie squatted to pee, then almost immediately decided he would rather bark at my mom moving cars in the driveway instead. “Auggie, you still have to pee,” I told him, and sent him back out into the yard. He came back on the deck and barked in my face instead. So we came inside for breakfast. I sent him back out after eating and all he did was poop. Fine, it’s YOUR problem if you don’t want to pee.
Except it wasn’t exactly like that, as I would find out later.
When I came home for lunch and let him out, he squatted, then did the little “Imma wag my tail while squatting” thing which he first did when he had his UTI last year. He has since done this a few times, causing me to freak out and immediately get a urine sample to the vet only for it to come up clear. It still makes me pay more attention, but doesn’t cause immediate worry like it used to. I do know when he is wagging his tail, he’s not peeing yet, and it’s not until he stops wagging his tail (or just moves and tries a new location) that he actually pees. So he moved and squatted again.
And then I realized it didn’t look like he was ACTUALLY peeing.
I told him to try again, so he picked another spot – and this time I was watching closely – squatted… no pee. After a little bit a few dribbles came out, but no real pee.
I went inside and called the vet. Doc was at lunch but they would call me back as soon as he came back to the office and let me know what they wanted to do. I took Auggie back outside and asked him to pee again. He tried a few more times but each time nothing came out. I could tell he obviously HAD to go – for one thing, he gets his food floated in about a cup of water, so I knew there was pee in his bladder – but nothing was coming out. Not. good.
Auggie came back to work with me while I waited to hear back from my vet, then off we went rather quickly to be worked into the schedule.
Doc couldn’t feel anything obvious, but as I expected, an x-ray was first up to make sure there weren’t any stones floating around, even if he couldn’t feel anything. Away the little pup went for his x-ray, then came back looking smug. I wondered if he had peed all over their x-ray equipment, but no, he had just been a very good boy for his x-rays. Doc came in with the x-rays after a few minutes and… nothing. Nothing on the x-ray at all. So away Auggie went again, this time to have a catheter run. Doc warned me they might have to sedate him a little to get the cath in, which, if you remember from Auggie’s last annual, he has developed a heart murmur, so that gave me some anxiety. Back in they come, Auggie looking EXCEPTIONALLY smug now and not woozy at all. They hadn’t had to sedate him, he was very good, he had peed AROUND the cath even. So they had collected a urine sample and were running it, but visually, there wasn’t a lot of blood or anything. It could come back with a bladder infection, but it could also be clear, and if it was clear, we were out of ideas as to what was up.
At this point I seriously started to think my dog was trolling me. Especially as he sat on the floor looking at Doc and Doc gave him some cookies. Auggie, we have cookies at HOME, okay? And they’re a lot cheaper. You don’t need to fake me out just to come get cookies from Doc. That is ridiculous.
So after the urinalysis was finished, Doc came in and said “Good news!”
“He has a bladder infection?” I asked. In what world, exactly, is it good news that your dog has a bladder infection? In my world, where money is tight, and cute little dogs are threatened with a horrible death when they go to the vet and run up bills for no good reason.
“Yep! Lots of white blood cells and bacteria in there.”
“Whoo-hoo! Auggie, you get to live after all!”
(I am, of course, joking. I was trying to fight off a panic attack and trying very hard NOT to cry this afternoon when I realized we had a problem. I love my Auggie doggie even though he may be the biggest snotbucket in the world.)
We came home with antibiotics and some anti-inflammatory too, since he is likely pretty sore and inflamed to not have been peeing. Poor baby dog! Hopefully he will get to feeling better in a few days here. We’ll go back next week and run another urinalysis to make sure we’re in the clear. I sure hope so. I don’t want the poor thing locked into another cycle of urinalysis after urinalysis and I definitely don’t want any stones developing from this infection like we had last year. So hopefully this chapter in Auggie’s Pee Saga will be a short one!
Seriously, Payton?
Two nights ago I was laying in bed on my stomach. Auggie was on my right sharing my pillow. Payton usually sleeps down at the foot of the bed or with his head draped over my legs.
All of a sudden I feel somebody walking on me… which I know it’s not Auggie because he doesn’t do that anymore PLUS he was sleeping right next to me. So Payton is walking on me.
THEN I feel him LAY DOWN on my BACK. Like I was a big human pillow.
“WHAT the HELL are you doing” I believe is what came out of my mouth.
Last night we were all tucked in bed, same thing. I was laying on my stomach and Auggie was curled up against me on the right with his head on my pillow. Payton keeps pacing around… he’d lie down, SIGH dramatically, get up, move around, try again. He kept laying down with his BUTT on Auggie’s face and I kept pushing him away until Auggie was like “meh, fine” and got up to move down to the end of the bed. Then Payton kept trying to put his butt in MY face. Twice he burrowed under the blankets… sigh, moan, shuffle around, get up, move.
I couldn’t figure out what his deal was… he’d already peed and pooped, he didn’t seem to be acting sick… just being stupid.
Then a thought occurred to me.
And I rolled over on my right side…
and Payton shoved his head against my back and IMMEDIATELY fell asleep.
Apparently he just could NOT get comfortable with me laying any differently than I normally do when we all fall asleep… usually I start on my right side and then roll over in the middle of the night or move when I get back in bed after getting up to pee.
No excuse for deciding to try and use me as a human pillow two nights ago, but maybe he just really hates it when I lay on my stomach??
Oh Payton.
I just want to be close to you
Last night we had a thunderstorm so bad it actually woke me up through my earplugs (an unusual occurrence) and Auggie, who sleeps in a bed on my bedroom floor now, asked to climb into my bed. He’s too short to get on my bed unless he gets a really enthusiastic running start, so if Auggie wants in my bed, he hops up and put his front paws on the bed, sticks his face in mine if I’m unlucky enough to be sleeping on my right side, and stares at me.
Auggie is not afraid of thunder – the most he reacts is to bark when the rumbling vibrates the windows, and that’s a reaction to the glass rattling, not the thunder itself. So the thunder was pretty loud to have distressed him enough that he wanted in the bed with me. I picked him up and put him on my bed, and he immediately curled up at the foot of the bed with his chin on my leg. He wanted to be touching me. But this was apparently not enough, because after a few minutes he got up and climbed up to the top of the bed. I rolled over and put my arm around him, and he curled up next to me, snuggled into my belly. I love Auggie and I wish he were a cuddly boy, but on the whole, he’s not cuddly (staying still is boring and being restrained in a cuddle or a hug means he has to stay still; therefore being cuddled is objectionable), so laying down to sleep cuddled into me with my arm around him is definitely not the norm. He wasn’t shaking or anything, but he was definitely an unhappy boy with all the thunder.
Unfortunately, the cuddliness only lasted until the thunder stopped. A few minutes after the thunder stopped, he got up and moved back to the end of the bed and curled up against the wall to sleep. Boo.
He did, however, stay on my bed the rest of the night. Most nights if he starts on my bed, he ends up on the floor after a while – either because he gets too hot, or he starts walking all over me and I put him on the floor because I don’t take well to having him walk all over me while I’m trying to sleep. So he was apparently slightly alarmed and wanted to stay closer to me than usual.
My mom is working early hours in the summer, so she came to get him early in the morning to feed him and play with him before she went to work. I watched him get off my bed and then rolled over to try for another hour or so of sleep, since I hadn’t slept that great. When she left for work, she closed Auggie into the kitchen and the office where his crate is – I just figured he was actually in his crate rather than loose in the other room. So when I got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for work, I was first surprised to hear a scratch on a door across the house… and before I could get to the other side of the house and let him out, I heard a loud WHUMP as he apparently launched himself at the door trying to get to me.
I guess it’s flattering that my dog is so obsessed with being close to me that he tries to bodily break down doors separating us..?
Pepper is helping
I decided I needed a new bookshelf for my bedroom, because my bookcases are overflowing to the point of absolutely ridiculous. I went to Target and found some organizational shelves that I liked so I bought two and brought them home.
Pepper and Auggie both said they would help me put them together but Auggie bailed first to go nap in the living room and try to sneak some chews on his sock, and Pepper’s brand of helping was mostly to run in whenever my dad would come in the house, step all over me and the stuff on the floor, then leave again when my dad would go back outside.
Well, I got the first one assembled and took everything off my old bookshelf, moved it out, and put the first shelf where it needed to be. There’s holes on the side where you can insert little dowels to stick the two shelves together if you want, and I started to do that, then changed my mind and pulled the dowels back out. Pepper was “helping” me at this point.
A minute later I reached down to pick up all the remaining parts and the instructions and realized I was missing one of those dowels. And also missing a Pepper.
“Pepper?” I called. No answer. “Pepper, did you eat my dowel?” Still no answer.
Fine. Whatever. ($&@ dog.
A few minutes later my mom walks into the room and goes “Hey, was Pepper in here helping you?”
“YES,” I said, “did she bring you a dowel?”
And my mom hands me this dowel, all chewed and soggy.
Good thing I didn’t need it.
Thanks a million Pepper. Or not.
Dividing the Bed
I saw on a dog forum an equation for how to divide up the amount of space you get on the bed when you share with your dog.
First you add up the total number of feet. Four on Auggie and two on me. That’s six!
Next, you take the number of feet you have – so two – and the percentage of feet that you have of the total number is the percentage of the bed you get.
Therefore I get 1/3rd of the bed.
This sounds about right.
Auggie has been doing SO good sharing the bed with me at hotels and stuff that I decided to give him another shot at sharing the bed with me at home. He has been sleeping on my bed all week, and he only starts stepping on me at about 5:30am – which is when other people in the house wake up, so he takes this as his cue to start walking all over me and sticking his face approximately an inch from mine and giving me kisses and generally being very annoying for any time of day, let alone 5:30am.
The only downside to this is that my bed is hardly large enough for the two of us. I’m not supremely tall but I am 5’9, so there’s really no room for him to lay down at the foot of the bed. This leaves space for him to lay next to me, and of course when Auggie is in deep sleep he has his legs stretched out… last night he stretched his legs out and I could hear his toenails scraping up against my wall. He was literally wedged in there with no room to spare, back shoved against me and his feet against my wall. And I was laying on my side. If I try to lay on my back it’s not very comfortable, for either of us, I’m sure.
So I’ve decided once I get my own place I’m probably going to buy a King bed. I was thinking a Queen would be nice, but if all I get is 33% of the bed, suddenly 33% of a Queen doesn’t sound like enough room.
I’m going to be in even more trouble if I start sharing the bed with TWO dogs… then I only get 20% of the bed… wah!
Go to your ROOOOOOOMS
We had the canine equivalent of this last night. Auggie would NOT stop terrorizing Pepper… chasing her all around the house, cornering her if he could, and then humping her.
Well, this all came to an end when he was humping her, and she finally completely freaked out…
and peed on the rug in my room.
After having been telling them to knock it off all night long, this was the last straw, and I crated them both. Auggie found this immensely unfair. It’s not like HE peed on the carpet. Why does HE have to go in the crate. Normally we get one-on-one time at night after I crate her because he’s SPECIAL. Now he had to sit in his crate and pout next to that crazy girl because SHE peed on the floor and we didn’t GET our special time.
They were right back at it again this morning with the pouncing back and forth and play-bows until I ended the game by putting Auggie on my bed, because he kept turning around and diving into my legs, and he HURTS. Probably why she still can’t decide if she really wants to commit to playing with him. He’s kind of like a miniature cannon ball.
Pepper has been living in the smaller crate that I use for agility trials. I am going to one this weekend and am actually leaving right after work, and I like to load up whatever I can in the car the night before… so I got out the HUGE crate I bought for Happy when they were living here and was going to switch Pepper into that and fold up the agility crate. So I had my mom holding Pepper while I tore down the agility crate before I could set up the giant crate, took the agility crate and set it by the door (where it always sits when I am getting stuff ready to load into the car) and looked over at Auggie in his crate and said “There. Do you know what that means?”
Mom: “He’s smiling.”
Me: “He knows that means he’s going with me.”
Mom: “I think he thinks it means Pepper’s going away.”
Little sisters are soooooo annoying.
Crazy Banzai Twins, Part 2
I want to teach Auggie to jump over Pepper. She doesn’t find this highly amusing, but AUGGIE AND I SURE DO!! Actually he did it by accident but it cracked me up so I asked if he’d do it again, and he did, and ohhhh it’s so funny, and Auggie looks so proud of himself after jumping over her back too! Now I want it to be a trick.
And all it requires of Pepper is teaching her to stand still, which might be easier said than done.
I talked to Auggie’s breeder and she thinks Pepper might be coming into season. This would explain why she suddenly and randomly loses interest in food, some of her bizarre behaviour (like suddenly becoming terrified of a photo of Auggie I have sitting down near the floor that has been there ever since she arrived…) and Auggie’s determination to hump her. So we will have to just keep an eye on her and see if things start to change.
Also, at the time of writing this, she is ASLEEP under my desk. Head down on the floor and everything, not sitting or laying there with her head up like a tightly wound rubber band, but actually zzzzz-ing away. FINALLY!
The Crazy Banzai Twins
We are continuing to ruin Pepper’s life. (I like to imagine her as Lindsay Lohan in Freaky Friday. “You’re ruining my liiiiiife-uh!”)
First of all, she is finally starting to seriously think about playing and has even grabbed toys a few times… but the games never last very long and she doesn’t seem to want to actually grab a toy while Auggie has ahold of it (and definitely no tug games.) Auggie thinks the answer to this is to run after her and throw toys at her, and when she still won’t bite, bark in her face and pounce at her and sometimes hump her.
This does not amuse the Pepper.
In fact she seems distressed at the thought that she may want to play with Auggie. She play bows at him, and then immediately looks confused. She grabs at a toy he has, then drops it immediately and looks confused. It’s not really funny but at the same time it is also hilarious. INCREASING DESIRES TO PLAY WITH THE CRAZY AUGGIE IS CAUSE FOR ALARM.
Second, I STILL can’t get it through my thick skull that she is not Auggie and I can’t play with her the way I play with Auggie… She was getting a drink in the other room but I got up to make sure that was all she was doing, and when I walked behind her she startled. My response to this was to make it into a game, so I started jumping at her, all “IIIIII’M gonna getcha!!!!” She was game to hop around and let me chase her, but the game took a terrible turn when our chase led into my bedroom, she realized she was cornered at a dead end, and she then flattened herself to the floor like I was going to murder her. *beats head against wall* So… no chasing games, unless we’re outside most likely where she isn’t likely to end up cornered. (Auggie’s response when cornered, just for comparison, is to turn into wiggly giggly puppy and do his best to squirm past me so we can resume the chase.) Derp derp.
I said I’d give her two weeks to learn to play with Auggie, and this Saturday will have been two weeks. Mom is voting one more week, or at least that’s what she said yesterday. I haven’t asked for Dad’s vote yet. Next Thursday night Auggie and I are packing up to go to an agility trial for the weekend and I’m worried about what to do with her while I’m gone if she’s still here. I don’t know if I want to take her. For one thing I’m looking forward to one-on-one time, just Auggie and me. For another I don’t know if she would do okay being at an agility trial all day, and we’re inside so it will be LOUD… and of course Sunday we are supposed to go do herding so… what to do with her? I don’t know if I want to leave her here or take her to her breeder’s for the weekend or what.
I don’t know what to do about her. She drives me batty by not letting me out of her sight. I’ve stepped on her and tripped over her probably fifty or sixty times just this week because she is always glued so tightly to me (if I step on her enough times she’ll eventually figure out to not stick to me so closely, right? Right..?) She is in so many ways the exact opposite of Auggie and the opposite of the kind of dog I want.
But I love her.
I just heard clanging…
Loud clanging.
CLANG. pause. CLANG. pause. CLANG.
I thought Auggie was throwing a party in his crate or something so I turned around all prepared to tell him to knock it off… and discovered it was Pepper. She was laying down with her tennis ball and kept pushing it with her nose against the side of the crate – CLANG – and then lifted her head a bit so it would roll back towards her – pause – and then she’d push it with her nose against the crate again – CLANG.
Repeat.
Maybe my next dog will be a normal one.
Somebody’s in the wrong bed, and More Pepper
The bed with peppers on it and the pink toys would suggest this is not the correct bed for my bad monster. Auggie disagrees and submits the argument that technically EVERYTHING in this house is his therefore this is also his bed.
Somehow I can’t quite dismiss his argument.
Photographic evidence that she HAS slept in this house… this was taken her first night here when she finally settled in her crate and fell asleep.
This is typically the shot I get of her, LOL. I can’t get much further back.
So then I took the same shot of Auggie, LOL.
Monster man <3
She walked away from me for a second. Whoo! Standing by the jump chute (she won’t actually take any of the jumps even though they’re only 4″.)
Comin’ back to me.
Ahhh! They’re standing next to each other!!
Standing next to each other again!!
I tried to get a nice one of her and Auggie together but she doesn’t really listen to sit and she DEFINITELY doesn’t listen to stay so it wasn’t happening. Auggie sat there patiently and waited and finally I just told him he was a good boy, forget it, and he could go play now. Sometimes I think he must be sitting there next to me and Pepper, watching her, and thinking “Gosh, it’s just SIT. It’s not like it’s hard. Just SIT!”
She is settling down faster when I sit down somewhere instead of pacing around like something terrible is about to happen… the first couple of days, if I sat down at the computer or sat down to flip through channels on the TV, I ended up stuck there for a while because I wanted to wait for her to settle down before I got back up. Now she seems to have learned that, okay, if somebody has sat down, we’re going to be here for a bit so lay down and take a break! But she still won’t settle enough to take any naps outside of her crate (and even inside her crate, if people are around, she’s awake and alert)… and she still won’t play with anybody, including Auggie. Sigh.
Two Dogs, One Walk
(Two walks, actually – I took one, then the other, but it was the same route.)
Put Pepper on leash and head out for a quiet, relaxing walk.
Boys playing basketball = OMG. What is that. OMG. That is terrifying. OMG. That is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen in my life. OMG. IT KEEPS MAKING NOISE. WTF.
Dog barks from inside house = IT’S GOING TO GET ME.
Man using power saw in his garage = HE IS GOING TO SLICE US UP WITH THAT THING.
Car parked on street = OMG WHAT IS THAT. THIS IS THE MOST HORRIFYING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
Black man wearing white hoodie = HE IS GOING TO END US BOTH.
Cars on street a quarter of a mile away = THOSE ARE CLEARLY GOING TO COME KILL US.
Back home, get Auggie. Take Auggie out for a walk.
Boys playing basketball = BASKETBALL YAY!!
Man getting bags out of back of car = WHAT’D YOU BUY IS THAT FOR ME?
Dobermans in house barking = HI FRIENDS LET’S PLAY!!
Man using power saw in his garage = WHAT ARE YOU MAKING IS THAT FOR ME?
Car parked on street = I’M GONNA GO THIS WAY AROUND IT, YOU GO THAT WAY, IT’LL BE FUN!!
Asian woman power-walking = YOU HAVE FABULOUS SHOES!!
Cars on street a quarter of a mile away = CAN WE GET ONE OF THOSE I LIKE THE RED ONE!!
Dad vacuuming out truck when we get home = HURRAY LET’S GO FOR A RIDE!!
Choose your moral:
To Pepper, everything is TERRIBLE. To Auggie, everything is AWESOME.
or
Pepper lives in a horror movie. Auggie lives in Teletubby Land.
Auggie + Kong = ANNOYING.
It’s not like I call him The Annoying Thing for no reason.
Every night this week Auggie has gone into his crate and lay down to lick and chew his Kong. He spends maybe an hour with it and then he falls asleep.
Now, this is nice. He gets out of my hair and leaves me alone.
What’s NOT nice is the slurping, the squeaking, the terribly disgusting, annoying sounds.
AUGH. SQUEAK-SLURP… slurp slurp slurp… SQUEAKEDY SQUEAKY… slosh slosh slurp slosh… SQUEAK… slurp slurp… SQUEAK-A SQUEAK-A SQUEAK SQUEAK… slurp squeak slurp squeak…
I even put a squeaky tennis ball into his crate hoping he’d start obsessively squeaking it instead, because that would at least be a positive change. NOPE. Still licking and slobbering all over the Kong.
I don’t want to take it away from him because this is the entire point of the Kong, he’s supposed to lick it and keep himself occupied… but UGH.
I’m pretty sure he knows it disgusts me and that’s why he’s doing it. “Don’t want to play with me? Okay. I’m going to go be noisy and gross! Enjoy!” Sometimes he follows me around making these nasty slopping and slurping noises just to annoy me, without even having eaten anything, so that’s why I’m pretty sure he is doing this on purpose too.
The other day I told him I’m going to get a terrorist puppy and make it bother him all day long and THEN he’ll be sorry.
My dog is going to devour me
First he leaned over, all sweet-like and gave my foot a teeny, tiny little lick. He knows I don’t like him to lick my feet but it was like a little kissy-kiss and that was it. No obsessive, slobbery licking. Just a little lick.
Then he leaned over and gave my big toe a NIBBLE.
He’s NEVER done that before. WTF. Just with his front teeth, he went nibble-nibble.
My mom told me this would happen. “If you feed the dog raw meat, how will he know the difference between raw meat and… well… you?”
And I said “If I wake up in the middle of the night and he’s eating my feet, I guess we’ll know it’s a problem.”
He didn’t even wait until I went to sleep! He just plain decided to try eating my foot.
Weird dog.
The nice thing about dogs
Last night my mom and I were putting all of the Christmas decor away – or at least attempting to. Our Christmas stuff all goes in a closet underneath the stairs in the basement. She said there was some stuff way in the back that might be okay to be donated or thrown away to make a bit more room, so I climbed into the closet and was going to pull all the stuff out that was wedged all the way in the back. It was COVERED with dust and dirt, and there’s no light in the closet, so I’m holding a flashlight in one hand, and very carefully pulling each box out with the other, moving it a bit and waiting to see if any spiders went scampering, then pulling it out the rest of the way.
So I’m under the stairs going “ugh, this is nasty,” and my mom is going “Yeah, there’s probably spiders in there.” “Waaaah!” I whine. “But probably no mice,” she says. “Probably just spiders.”
I reach for a box and move it just a bit to see if anything goes running – and RIGHT at that moment, SOMETHING FUZZY BRUSHES UP AGAINST MY BACK.
I FREAK out because there shouldn’t be anything fuzzy brushing up against my back! WTF?! I drop the box I just moved, drop the flashlight, I’m screaming, and I SPIN around…
and Auggie is standing there staring at me.
And I immediately start swearing and telling him I’m going to murder him. And he just smiles at me and wags his tail because I’m telling him I’m going to kill him again. And my mom is going “What, what?!” because I screamed, so I start telling her what happened, and it’s rather funny anyway but made even funnier by the fact that I continue to swear at the dog and threaten his life. And of course my mom starts laughing because it’s HILARIOUS. She’s seriously laughing so hard she’s in tears. And the dumb dog of course thinks something fantastic has just happened and is wagging around like a moron.
I then had to spend the majority of the rest of the night continually picking the dog up and removing him from the closet under the stairs. I picked him up once and took him over to where his little round bed is, set him down in it, and told him to lay down. Which he did while making bitey face at my hands because he thought we were playing. No, this is not a game. Neither is repeatedly going under the stairs and having me say “Auggie, get OUT.” Okay, maybe it’s a game to you, but I’m not playing.
Finally I gave up, took him out to potty one last time, and then put him in his crate for the night. After about an hour my mom finally goes “Hey, where’s Auggie?”
“Oh, I got sick of him, so I put him in his crate. That’s the nice thing about dogs, you know. When you get sick of them, you stick them in their crate, and it’s not child abuse.”
Clockwork
Auggie has certain things timed. I’m told he starts to get very antsy before I get home – running around and hovering by the door, waiting, because he knows I’m due home any minute. He definitely knows when dinner time is (sometimes even better than I do – he’ll be doing the Dinnertime Dance and I’m like “Dude, calm down, it’s not time for – oh. Oh yes it is. Sorry.”)
But the strangest thing he has timed… is knowing EXACTLY how long he has to fool around outside and make it back up to the stairs once I’ve said “If I have to come get you, you’re in BIG TROUBLE – okay, you’re in BIG TROUBLE.” The dog somehow has it timed. He knows how long it takes me to threaten him, turn around, go slip my shoes on, grab my coat, and step back to the door. Because it NEVER FAILS. I get my shoes, grab my coat, and open the door… and he’s standing there innocently like he’s been waiting the whole time to come back in.
I don’t know how he does it, but this is a skill he has perfected.
And I hate him for it.
Teaching Auggie to smile
I’ve decided it would be incredibly handy to teach Auggie to smile on command. Sometimes in the face of treats Auggie becomes SERIOUS DOG and doesn’t give me a smile… so if I’m trying to pose him and I have treats on me while I do this, I get SERIOUS AUGGIE IS SERIOUS photos instead of a normal goofy looking Auggie. Therefore, if I can be holding a treat and tell Auggie “smile!” and he will smile, I will get PERFECT pictures!! It’s genius, you see.
Except I forgot that my dog is an idiot and while trying to teach him a new trick he immediately begins offering up every single trick he already knows, or other things we’ve been working on. Like I’ve been working on cop-cop with him on and off for ages, so when doing heeling work, he attempts to get between my legs and stand on my feet. Or when trying to work on a down-stay, he likes to roll over.
The last trick I worked on with Auggie was teaching him to speak. I figured teaching smile would start rather the same, where I would click/treat any movement of the mouth, then start to narrow it down to the kind of open mouth expression I wanted. This was not a bad plan.
Except, again, I forgot that my dog is an idiot.
Therefore, this time, Auggie decided that I must want him to ROLL OVER WHILE BARKING.
Why, Auggie? Why? This is why I do things like buy a yellow submarine costume and put you in it.
Fun with Twist N Treat
I keep meaning to sit down and record a video where I go through the various treat-dispensing toys I have for Auggie and give a review on them. This morning, when I fed Auggie his breakfast, I went ahead and got out a couple of them I don’t normally use to try them again so I’ll have my thoughts on them fresh in my mind. After I played with a couple of them, I put the rest of Auggie’s breakfast into the twist ‘n treat and gave it to him.
He’s pushing it around the kitchen and then pushes it in here, and then over towards the stairs. “Auggie, don’t throw that down the stairs,” I tell him. He pushes it back in here for a little bit, and then a couple minutes later he’s back over by the stairs.
“Auggie…” I tell him.
Then I hear “thunk, THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK” as the twist ‘n treat has now been tossed down the stairs.
“AUGGIE, I TOLD YOU NOT TO THROW THAT DOWN THE STAIRS!”
Go downstairs, get the twist n treat, and bring it back upstairs (and SHUT DOOR to basement stairs.) A minute later he BARKS. WHAT? It’s EMPTY, that’s what, and he’s complaining that it’s empty. Are you kidding me?? He’s never complained when his food is gone before. My mom pointed out he probably wanted his green beans, so I got those out and stuck them in the twist ‘n treat and gave it back to him.
About ten minutes later, BARK again. What now?? It’s empty AGAIN, that’s what!
Today is apparently Supreme Brat Day.
Little Comedian
So I’ve been working on Auggie’s one-minute sit stay and three-minute down stays. During the sit stay he started to lay down, so I’m standing across the room from him and go “No, Auggie – sit.” He continues to lay down. “Auggie… AUGGIE…”
He looks at me, and instead of sitting, he proceeds to ROLL OVER.
Which of course makes me crack up, because not only does he look ridiculous when he rolls over, but again, I can just IMAGINE this happening during the obedience trial. All the dogs are in a line doing a down stay and mine is like “Durp durp *roll over* *roll over* *roll over* What am I supposed to be doing?? *roll over*”
So later that night I was telling my mom about this, and I said something like “And I was like, no, Auggie! Sit! Sit!” and laughing about how he then rolled over… and then I look over, and there’s Auggie across the room from me, SITTING, and looking at me with this sad look on his face, like “I AM sitting!! What more do you WANT from me?!”
It’s a really good thing he’s so cute, or the brattyness would not be funny AT ALL.
Oh, Auggie…
I had kind of a rotten day today. Not the worst day in the world, just stressful. I broke into the bottles of wine from our wine tasting feature and drank a glass of wine halfway through the day, it was that kind of day. Auggie has been having to work for his dinner through heeling exercises lately and I almost skipped it after work today and just threw it in his bowl, but I went ahead and worked on it with him anyway, and he did WONDERFULLY. I was starting to feel glum and thought I couldn’t clean his heel up enough in time for the obedience trial, but after today I feel a lot better. He’s actually doing much better than I thought. Outside he starts to get really wild on me but inside he really has a lovely off-lead heel (and the trial is indoors.)
So I thought, oh, maybe he knew I had a crappy day and he’s just being good to make me feel better.
Well, my dad took me and my mom out for Mexican food for dinner, and when we came back I was carrying the leftovers downstairs to put in the fridge down there… and Auggie pranced up behind me and nipped at my foot! WTF Auggie! He has never been the kind of dog to nip or mouth unless I’m running and playing with him and getting him overworked, but all of a sudden he has apparently decided he wants to be. Yesterday it was my knee while I was carrying the pumpkins, today it’s my foot while I’m carrying leftover food. I don’t know what his problem is but it’s not cute.
So much for thinking he was being extra good to make me feel better.
Argh…
I feel awful. I have a sinus infection/cold/flu type thing going on, I have no idea. I came home from work and I just wanted to run a hot bath and try to drain my sinuses. But first I was going to feed Auggie and potty him. So I fed him and took him out to potty, and he bolts to the back fence to, I assume, bark at squirrels. Then I notice he’s not barking and his head is down and he’s EATING something.
So I yell at him to leave it and then run back to see what it is. I’m guessing it was a tomato or something from somebody’s garden that a squirrel dropped in our yard but I can’t really tell exactly what it is. Better safe than sorry, so I go grab the hydrogen peroxide. One capful… nothing. Fifteen minutes later I give him a second capful. He finally harfs up… one small mouthful of foam. So ten minutes later, a third capful. And this whole time I’m standing out there with a fever wishing I were asleep or dead.
FINALLY after the third capful he throws up three piles, one of which included his dinner. I thought he just snagged a nibble of the whatever-it-was but nope, there were huge pieces of it in his piles. So I follow him around some more and he seems done. Okay. Into the house and shut into the kitchen while I go pick up the piles of puke, drag out the hose, hose them down, and put the hose back. Come inside, survey the kitchen for more vomit… nope, nothing. Get my hands all washed up.
It’s now past six PM.
Sit down and start thinking about taking that hot bath. Check e-mail first.
Aaaand Auggie harfs under my chair, all over the white carpet that my dad INSISTED on putting down. Including nice yellow bile and even a couple green beans from his breakfast this morning! So now I have to put the dog in the crate and get the Green Machine so I can clean that up. Which of course needs more solution put in it, because I didn’t refill it the last time I used it and noticed it was going to need more solution soon. Take the machine back downstairs so I can clean out the brush head and the waste tank… and I spilled the waste tank, full of pukey-water, all over me.
Poor Auggie is now still in his crate, but without a pillow or any snuggies, because I am NOT in the mood to have to fish out a puke-covered pillow and take it downstairs to do laundry. I hope he’s seriously done puking now, because I definitely don’t feel good enough to give him a bath tonight either.
I do, however, want to kill myself.
Ugh.
And right after I post this the first time? Cue Auggie throwing up a mouthful of bile. At least I got him out of the crate without having him step in it… this time.
Big Faker
Last night I took Auggie out running with me. When we were almost to the end of the run, I looked at him to make sure he was doing okay and noticed that at some point in the last two minutes he had started limping. “(#$*()@” I thought. ” Can’t have my little guy hurt.” I wasn’t sure what he did but he was definitely limping, so I decided I’d pick him up and carry him the rest of the way home instead of making him walk the remainder of the way and possibly hurt himself more.
So we get inside, I put him down and start taking off his harness so I can take a look at him to try and see what he did… and no sooner did I get the harness off than he leaps away, wiggling and giggling, and runs to go grab a toy to play. Limp? WHAT limp??
)$@*(%ING FAKER.
Well, I say that, but later that night he was licking his front paws. I thought about putting bitter apple spray on them but he wasn’t really chewing them up, so I didn’t. I sort of think I should have, because he threw up three times in the middle of the night last night, and at one point appeared like he threw up some fur, like maybe he’d chew some off his foot. I’m not sure if he licked something nasty off his feet and that’s why he threw up or what. He has no limp this morning either though, and was chasing after a tennis ball like nothing was wrong. So, yeah. Giant faking faker, Auggie. I’m onto you.
