Auggie’s Favourite Game

This is Auggie’s Favourite Game In The Whole Wide World.  Here are the rules, should you decide to play this game with your dog.

(I, personally, do not recommend the game.)
It’s called “Who will die first – you, or me?”

The object of the game, as obvious by the title of the game, is to see who will die first.
Player 1 – Auggie – eats as many things as he can find, edible or not, safe for doggy consumption or not.
Player 2 – me, his hapless owner – will have to discover what he has eaten, how much he has eaten, if it’s indeed safe or harmful, and how to handle the situation.

This may or may not include panic.
This may or may not include collecting pieces of a chewed item together and placing them together like a puzzle to determine how much has been consumed.
This may or may not include thorough examining of the carpeting and furniture to verify that missing pieces have indeed been eaten.
This may or may not include calls to the vet.
This may or may not include calls to the emergency vet.
This may or may not include calls to Auggie’s breeder.
This may or may not include a visit to the vet, who, by now, is quite used to a sheltie acting rather like a labrador retriever in terms of items going into his mouth.
This may or may not include hysterical crying fits.
This may or may not include sobbing into his fur, “Why can’t you just eat CHOCOLATE like any NORMAL dog??”
This may or may not include inducing vomiting.
This may or may not include poking through a pile of vomit to verify that harmful contents have indeed been vomited up.
This may or may not include inducing vomiting again, just to be absolutely, totally, 100% sure that harmful contents have indeed been vomited up.
This may or may not include several days of watching puppy poop more closely than usual to ensure that harmful contents have safely passed through the digestive system and no blockage has occured.
This may or may not include migraines caused by stress.
This may or may not include sleepless nights over the course of several days as the poisonous affects may not show up immediately.

Game ends when either player dies, either of poisoning or various other physical problems caused by eating various things, or from fear, worry, or a heart attack caused by panic.